It’s an unforgettable noise we’ve all heard – that ear-piercing, mind-numbing, tense screeching that instantaneously set adults around the world into panic mode. These mighty sounds could only come from one place…the lungs of a toddler. Temper tantrums during the toddler years are not uncommon. In fact, they’re a natural part of the developmental process as a child tries to gain independence and express himself. Tantrums are extreme emotional outbursts that are often a result of a kid’s frustration with the world. Instead of tolerating tantrums, there are measures we can take to manage the meltdowns and tame the tantrums before they take over.
look familiar?
Preventative Practices: Try these techniques to avoid emotional eruptions…
- Avoid Stressful Situations- Tantrums come as a response to a given situation. Although they are often a result of frustration, tantrums can also occur when a child gets overwhelmed or stressed. Avoiding stressful activities when your child is tired, hungry, or not feeling well is the first step to decreasing the emotional eruptions. Also, packing a day full of busy activities and commotion without a quiet break is a surefire way to fuel a fit.
- Give Choices- Here’s a strategy where no one loses because no one appears to have complete power or control. By offering your child a collection of parent-approved options, he will feel some control in the situation because he’ll have a say in his fate by selecting the choice that best suits him. His quest for independence will be met and you’ll be approaching a fit-free day. Make sure your options are realistic and clear so your child understands that there’s a choice to be made without negotiation or compromise.
- Allow for Transition Time- Giving your child a fair warning before an activity begins or ends will allow her time to process the transition. She won’t be caught by surprise when the new activity commences.
- Find a Distraction- Take advantage of your child’s short attention span by distracting him from the fit he’s about to throw. When you see him beginning to lose it, distract him and turn his attention elsewhere before he blows his lid.
- Teach Verbal Skills- Enhancing your child’s communication skills starts with you. By listening to your child as she’s in the midst of a tantrum, you can give her words to represent her emotions. For example, when you respond to your child’s outrage and frustration by saying, “I know you’re angry,” or “I know you’re feeling frustrated right now,” you give her the language to represent the cries. In the future, your child can use these words to express herself rather than cries and screams.
- Prepare your Child for the Day’s Events- Kids find comfort in routines. If you can stick with a routine as much as possible, your days will be brighter and your child’s tantrums will be fewer. When your schedule changes, it’s a good idea to talk about these changes with your child before they happen. For some children, tantrums will taper off when they know what to expect.
- Pay Attention to your Child- For a kid, negative attention is better than no attention at all. When your child is feeling a need for attention, she’ll do anything she can to get attention- of any kind. Ensuring that you’re giving her plenty of positive attention for the things she’s doing well will give her her fill of attention and she won’t feel the need to throw a fit in an effort to get attention.
- Be Reasonable- Put yourself in your kid’s shoes and consider what it would be like tagging along on errands all day. Prevent your child from losing his cool by packing along snacks and fun activities to preoccupy him. It’s also a good idea to involve your kids in the things you’re doing. Let him help you put the groceries in the cart or push the button in the elevator. All of this will keep him so busy he won’t have time to even think about throwing a fit.
Tantrum Tactics: If a tantrum breaks out…
- Create a “Tantrum Time Out Spot”- Create a specific location in your home where tantrums can occur. Make sure your child is aware of this location and that it is a safe spot for her to spend time in- even when she’s angry. When a tantrum begins, escort your child to the “Tantrum Spot” and let her know you’re going to leave the room. When she’s through with her fit, she can come out of the room. Occupy yourself with other things and wait for your child to calm down. Do not let her leave the room until she has calmed down. She will quickly learn that a fit becomes so much less fun when there isn’t an audience.
- Follow Through- Make sure your words are firm and serious when you talk to your child during his tantrum. If you are in a public location and you tell him you are going to leave the toy store if he continues crying, DO IT! If your child sees your words have no meaning, he won’t take your seriously. His tears will continue until he breaks you down and gets what he wants.
- Consequences- Preparing consequences in advance will save you time and a headache when an outburst is brewing. Knowing what lies at the end of tantrum can prevent the cries from coming. If she knows she will lose a privilege or miss dessert, she may think twice before throwing her fit.
- Stay Calm- Adding your own frustration to a fit fiesta will only complicate the problem. Anger and aggravation often do not bring on the results we hope for. Someone needs to stay in control when your child is out of control. Stay calm and escort him to a calm place to cool down. Try to understand where your child is coming from and talk to her. Give her the words she is expressing through her emotions. Sometimes, all a child needs to know is that your care and you understand her outburst.
- Get Out of the Situation- If you are in a public location when your child loses it, get out of the situation as soon as possible. After one clear warning to stop the screams, grab your child by the hand and escort him out of the scene. Finding a calm and somewhat private location is always better than making a big scene in front of a huge audience. Give him time to cool off and ‘get it out.’ If he doesn’t stop after five minutes, head home where the tantrum consequences will ensue. Forgoing your plans once or twice might be a huge inconvenience, but the effect this has for the future is tremendous. When your child sees you mean business, it won’t take him long to learn other ways to express his emotions.
- Use it as a Teaching Tool- After the tears subside and the whimpering has waned, discuss what happened with your child. In this calm setting, both of you will be thinking more clearly. Teach your child how to match words with her emotions. Talk about what she can do the next time she’s put in the same situation.
As kids mature developmentally, communication skills increase and frustration levels decrease. Hopefully these techniques will help tame the tantrums in your life until then!
Need More Tips?: “Stop Temper Tantrums: How to Handle Toddler Meltdowns”
Filed under: Technology and Kids Tagged: | parenting, social skills
One of the best things I have ever done is to realize that my children do not throw tantrums unless I am not hearing what they are saying. It is amazing how quickly they can calm down from throwing a tantrum in a public place if you just sit down right in the middle of the store with them, and tell them that they have your attention and you are now listening to them. This doesn’t mean you have to give in and buy the toy, etc that they are throwing the fit about. But you do need to listen, and offer them solutions to the problem, and then let them choose.
You may get a few strange looks from other people, but most of the time they come up to you later to tell you how impressed they are with how you handled the tantrum.
This is a great point, Cathy! Full, undivided attention from an adult is often times all a kid needs to feel comforted and calm down. Thanks for sharing your tatics. Does it work for teenagers too?