Life Skill #4: Communicating with Authority Figures

We talked about how homework can improve your kids’ communication skills with their peers. But it is also a great tool to teach kids how to communicate with authority figures. First of all, sometimes there is just too much to do – your kids plug everything into the calendar and see that they have a five-page paper, a science project, a social-studies test, and a math mid-term all on the same day, and that day happens to be the day after they get home from band camp. Whether they have conflicting assignments, band camp, a school performance, or a family vacation, it’s important for your kids to start assessing their workload and admitting when they just can’t get it all done.

“Well, that’s great,” you say, “but what does it have to do with communication?”

I’m glad you asked! One important aspect of communication is giving plenty of notice ahead of time that you can’t get something done. By assessing the workload and admitting they can’t do it ahead of time, your kids will be able to communicate their situation to their teachers well in advance and give them time to find a solution.

Another great skill your kids can learn from homework is the ability to ask questions. It’s never too early to develop the habit of clarifying assignments, which is a good communication skill to have with any boss. Your kids can learn to approach their teachers with any and all questions. If your kids find they don’t understand a lot of assignments, they might want to start talking to the teacher after class routinely, to double-check that they get how to do everything.

Lastly, your kids can learn how to admit when they made a mistake. Assignments get overlooked. It’s a fact of life. If your kids can man up… er… kid up, admit their mistake, and propose a solution (i.e. turning in the assignment late for a lesser grade, or doing a make-up assignment), any teacher worth their salt isn’t going to turn their back and force your kids to take a zero. It’s great practice for your kids to approach their teachers and learn how to take responsibility, since, odds are, that’s a skill they’ll be using at some point once they get into the working world!

Life Skill #3: Communicating with Peers

Life-Skills #1 and #2 (keeping a to-do list and time management) are pretty obvious life-skills your kids can learn from homework. But how about one that’s a little more out-there: Homework can be a great opportunity to teach your kids some lessons in effective communication. Now, I see your skeptical expression (well okay, I don’t really see it), but hear me out.

To start, homework provides an opportunity for your kids to reach out and network with other students in the class. Your kids should have at least three contacts in each class, logged neatly in one place so they won’t get lost. Seems like a lot of work and a lot of contact info, but trust me, you’ll be glad you have it when your child can’t remember an assignment. But what exactly can a kid learn from calling up a friend? Your child can learn what times of the day it’s appropriate to call people (for instance, 2 AM the day the assignment is due is probably not a good time to call), how to leave a phone message (don’t forget to state clearly who is calling, keep it brief, and make sure to include your phone number slowly and clearly), and how to be polite and clear on the phone.

Groups and partner projects are another great way for your kids to learn communication and team work. Your kids will have to learn to schedule meetings, follow up, and delegate tasks. You can help them determine everything that has to get done, and then divide up the responsibilities as evenly and/or fairly as possible among the team members. I would strongly recommend that you have the group write down all the tasks and who’s doing what, and make sure that each member has a copy. Otherwise, the group might be in for an unpleasant surprise when two of them do the report on bee pollination, but nobody put together the diagram of the hive.

Your kids have finished their to-do list… but there are about ten thousand things on it. It’s making you go cross-eyed, and you wonder how they’ll ever get it done. You again find yourself longing to make a mad-dash for the window.

But before you flatten your hydrangeas in a homework-induced panic, take a deep breath and look at the bright side: all these assignments can help your kids learn another great life skill! Time Management.

The first trick is to remember that not all assignments are created equal. Some take ten minutes, some take three hours. Some are worth ten points, some are worth a hundred. Some are due tomorrow, some next week, some next month. Once you and your kids get that down, you can prioritize so that even if they can’t get everything done, they’ll at least take care of the important stuff: Generally, things due tomorrow come before things due next week; things that are 100 points come before things that are 10 points; and it’s up to your kids whether they want to start with the short assignments to get some things off the checklist, or tackle the long ones first. With big, long-term projects, you can help your kids break them down into smaller steps, with individual due dates.

The second trick is to accept that it’s okay to not go over-and-above on every single assignment. “What’s the problem?” you ask. “It’s great seeing my child getting carried away with school work!” And you’re absolutely right: on extra-special projects that they’re particularly passionate about, it’s great for kids to get swept away. But it’s also very easy for them to spend all their time doing the fun stuff that’s above and beyond the assignment, at the expense of the assignment itself. If they take too much time on the frills—or even on the research—they might run out of time and not finish the assignment, or they might finish and then not have time for their other work. The bottom line is that when your kids have a lot to get done, they have to learn to just get it done. To do that, they have to accept that doing enough on an assignment is just that: enough.

“Mooooom,” they’ve asked, throwing their pencils down in frustration, “when will we ever use this stuff in the real world???”

We all know school is important, but the third line of the fourth scene of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest” probably won’t play a big role in your kids’ day-to-day life…or will it? Not only is knowledge a wonderful thing in and of itself, but no matter what the lesson, you can use homework to teach your kids some great life-skills that will last them into high school and beyond! So before you crush those precious hydrangeas…

Life-Skill #1: Keeping a Calendar and To-do list

Keeping a calendar and to-do list are skills that are great to learn early. I know what you’re thinking: “…but I can barely keep a to-do list myself. How can I teach my kids?”

Well, your family can figure out a specific system that’s right for you, but here are two important components to any calendar system:

1) Have a specific place to log assignments – This can be as fancy as a daily planner, or as simple as a designated section in a school notebook – just as long as your kids are always writing down assignments neatly and legibly in one place (instead of, say, on their lunch napkin, their hand, the side of their shoe…).

2) Have a separate monthly calendar- This is for important deadlines, holidays, birthdays, etc. That way, you and your kids can see how much time they actually have to get their homework done.

I’ll admit, keeping a to-do list takes practice and patience. As time goes on, you and your kids can figure out what works best for you, but here are some tips to get you started:

• Color-coding – Each category of to-do (i.e. Science, Math, etc) can be a separate color
• Keep it simple – The monthly calendar is just for big stuff, the daily/weekly is for assignments.
• Check off completed assignments clearly and neatly – It’s very tempting for a kid to scribble out finished assignments, but you never know when they’ll need to reference the old assignment. Instead, put one nice little check in front a completed item, and if the kids really, really want to cross it out, make sure they use a single, neat line.

No matter what, don’t give up! Remember, keeping a to-do list and calendar takes practice, and lots of it. Sometimes assignments will still slip through the cracks, so don’t let them get you or your kids down. Make sure your kids know that they’re doing a great job, and encourage them to keep up the great work!

Homework is a chore at my house. Is there anyway to turn around the attitudes?

Answer:

Here are some quick hints to help your child get the most out of homework.

• Assume that your children will have studying to do every night.
• Ask your children if they understand their homework. If they do not, work a few examples together.
• Ask your children to show you their homework after the teacher returns it, to learn where they’re having trouble and where they’re doing well. See if your children did the work correctly.
• Stay in touch with your children’s teachers. Ask about their classes ad what they are studying. Ask their teachers how you can support what they are studying (flashcards, spelling, etc.)
• Remember, you and their teachers want the same thing – to help your children learn.
• Don’t be afraid to get in touch with the teacher if you and your child don’t udnerstnad an assignment or if your child is having a great deal of trouble. Almost all parents run into these problems, and teachers are glad to help.
• Don’t do your children’s work for them. Help them learn how to do it themselves.
• Show your children that you think homework is important. If you are at working duing homework time, ask to see their work when you get home.
• Praise your children for doing well. Make praise a habit.
• Maintain a portfolio of “best pieces.”
• Ask your school about tips or guides for helping your children develop good study habits.
• Help older students organize their assignments by recording them on calenders or plannerse, aloong with due date, dates turned in, etc.